The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children

It is very upsetting for children to see one of their parents (or partners) abusing, attacking or controlling the other.

Younger children may become anxious. They may complain of tummy-aches or start to wet their bed. They may find it difficult to sleep, have temper tantrums and start to behave as if they are much younger than they are. They may also find it difficult to separate from their abused parent when they start nursery or school.

Older children react differently. Boys seem to express their distress much more outwardly, for example by becoming aggressive and disobedient. Sometimes, they start to use violence to try and solve problems, and may copy the behaviour they see within the family. Older boys may play truant and start to use alcohol or drugs (both of which are a common way of trying to block out disturbing experiences and memories).

Girls are more likely to keep their distress inside. They may become withdrawn from other people, and become anxious or depressed. They may think badly of themselves and complain of vague physical symptoms. They are more likely to have an eating disorder, or to harm themselves by taking overdoses or cutting themselves. They are also more likely to choose an abusive partner themselves.

Children of any age can develop symptoms of what is called 'Post-traumatic Stress Disorder'. They may get nightmares, flashbacks, become very jumpy, and have headaches and physical pains.

Children dealing with domestic violence and abuse often do badly at school. Their frightening experiences at home make it difficult to concentrate in school, and if they are worried about their abused parent, they may refuse to go to school. 

Is there hope? 

Children are better able to cope and recover when they get the right help and support, for example from other family members, peers, school. Some children find it helpful to speak to a professional (like trained counsellors).

Sharing the secret with someone outside the family is the first step in breaking out of the cycle of violence and abuse. Make sure that domestic violence and abuse do not remain a shameful secret for the child. 

Remember, the most important thing is to keep yourself and your children safe. Domestic violence and abuse is a crime, so don't hold back from involving the police.

Once out of the domestically violent or abusive relationship, practical help may be needed from professionals like social workers or solicitors. They will be able to help with finding a place to live, dealing with money problems, and making contact and school arrangements for the children.

Source : www.rcpsych.ac.uk

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