The Human Project

In recent times, intimate partner violence has been on the increase in Nigeria. Driven by passion for humanity and respect for the value of life, the Human project flagged off an awareness campaign against domestic violence on the 1st of February, 2021. The campaign which was themed “Speak Up” ran from 1st through 14th February, 2021. As love has been our watchword, the purpose of this campaign was to spread love, help broken people heal, encourage victims of domestic violence to walk away from abusive relationships rather than lose their lives, and charge perpetrators to turn a new leaf.  In partnership with Lawgical Arena, we came up with daily placards and blog posts, teaching about the dangers and effects of DV, tactics used by perpetrators, how DV affects children and every other person in the home including care givers and how to handle domestic violence. We also offered counseling for perpetrators who wished to change from their abusive ways.  On the 7th day of the camp...

Generally, domestic violence support services are aimed at victims and not those who perpetrate abuse. Such services are essential to support victims and survivors and to identify abusers. However,   a focus on helping  victims of domestic violence is not enough to prevent future abuse. It’s also important to offer help to abusers as well.  This can help people to understand and  reduce abusive behaviours. Do you recognise yourself in any of these behaviors?  "Sometimes when we argue,  I shout at her. She's scared of me".  'When I see him talking to other women, I get so jealous that I hit him".  "I  promised that I would never slap her again. But I did..." Is your abusive behavior costing you your relationship? Choose to stop. We are available to talk. We can refer you to a counselor if you want. Send us an email: offiongwhilley@gmail.com  #SpeakUPCampaignDay14 #EndDomesticViolence This may be the final day of our campaign, but thi...

Most victims of domestic violence actually wish to walk away. Unfortunately, some abusers go to extremes to prevent victims from leaving. In fact, leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence.  Abusers often threaten to hurt or kill their victims and their kids, ruin their victims financially, reveal their secrets to the world; and they often follow through with their threats. Victims often become helpless and will be left with no other choice than to stay. A recent study of  intimate partner homicides found 20% of homicide victims were not the domestic violence victims themselves, but family members, friends, neighbors, persons who intervened, law enforcement officers, or bystanders. It is indeed a very complex situation.  Other reasons why victims don't leave include: *Religious barriers/sentiments (the "save your marriage" advocates.  *Fear of being charged for desertion, losing custody of children and joint assets.  *Lack of...

Parents who lack patience or proper parenting skills usually resort to aggression and bullying to control and discipline their children. Know that when you use aggression to solve problems as a parent,  it comes at a cost. While it may appear that you have won, you may have created a bigger problem for yourself and the society.  Children who are raised by aggressive parents most likely become abusive. They feel unloved and because they have not been shown love, they can't love people. Of course, they cannot give what they do not have.  One of the problems with aggressive parenting and harsh punishments is that when the child leaves the home, they don’t know how to behave on their own. And then they get into the kind of trouble that the parents were afraid of in the first place. Your bullying method becomes counterproductive.  Dear aggressive parents,  learn something this season.  Be authoritative, not authoritarian.  Learn self control.  Love you...

If you’re  a parent experiencing family violence , family violence might also affect the relationship that you have with your children. It can affect your ability to give your children the love and attention they need. If this is your situation, it’s important to know that  family violence is never your fault . The person using family violence is responsible for it and the way it affects your family.  Family violence can harm your ability to parent and your relationship with your children in several ways. Unfortunately, this can push your children to look for love in the wrong places. This exposes them to dangers such as rape, STDs, unwanted pregnancies, heart break, drugs etc. This will leave them more broken than they were, and this will only add to your problems. Imagine dealing with an abusive partner and a lost child.  Please show love to your children this valentine. Find time to talk to them and reassure them that you love them. Be their date on valentine's da...

On a regular basis, we read about horrible acts of domestic violence. The event below was reported on 23rd January.   23/1/2021 at about 6:30am, there was a report at Awada police Station that on the same day at about 3:am, a girl of about 23 years fell down from the 5th floor of a five storey building at N0.6 Orakwe close,fizzle Awada Obosi in Idemili North LGA of Anambra State. Police operatives attached to Awada Division visited the scene, photographed the victim and rushed her to Bex hospital Onitsha for medical attention but was certified dead on arrival by a medical doctor. Consequently, preliminary inquiry from the occupants of the compound revealed that the girl was allegedly pushed down from the room of one Nonso Eze 'm' aged 37 years of same address who is occupying the 5th floor. This sad event happened following a quarrel. The suspect was subsequently arrested and search executed in his appartment where a pair of female slippers and unused condom was recovered as e...

It is very upsetting for children to see one of their parents (or partners) abusing, attacking or controlling the other. Younger children may become anxious. They may complain of tummy-aches or start to wet their bed. They may find it difficult to sleep, have temper tantrums and start to behave as if they are much younger than they are. They may also find it difficult to separate from their abused parent when they start nursery or school. Older children react differently. Boys seem to express their distress much more outwardly, for example by becoming aggressive and disobedient. Sometimes, they start to use violence to try and solve problems, and may copy the behaviour they see within the family. Older boys may play truant and start to use alcohol or drugs (both of which are a common way of trying to block out disturbing experiences and memories). Girls are more likely to keep their distress inside. They may become withdrawn from other people, and become anxious or depressed. They ...

In reality, many male domestic violence victims suffer in silence.  Despite men being often much larger physically than their partners, many consistently fail to report being physically abused.   Why?   Men tend to worry they would not be believed, or that they would be perceived as less masculine if they reported abuse.   Along with fearing they wouldn't be believed or would be seen as weak, men often stay in abusive relationships because they felt committed to or concerned about their partners. In other cases, they were too depressed, despondent or traumatized to gather the strength to leave.  Women are very much taught that domestic abuse is something that happens to women and therefore they need to be on their guard.  Men aren't really taught or brought up in the same way. When men are unable to see themselves as victims, it increases their reluctance to seek help. Source:  www.reuters.com Why do you think men don't report ...

Some people may be going through domestic violence unknowingly.  You might be experiencing domestic violence if your partner: Calls you names, insults you or puts you down Prevents you from going to work or school Stops you from seeing family members or friends Tries to control how you spend money, where you go or what you wear Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs Tries to control whether you can see a health care provider Threatens you with violence or a weapon Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it Threatens to tell friends, family, colleagues or community members your secrets.  These traits are not tied to gender. Men and women can be abusive. So watch out for the signs and s eek help before it gets out of...

Last night, my husband and I decided to see an old movie by Tyler Perry: MADEA'S FAMILY REUNION. This movie is a classic story of domestic abuse and how some parents become enablers of abuse. This mother of two allowed her man defile one of her daughters, all because she wanted to keep her relationship; a relationship she eventually lost. The poor girl grew up hating herself, finding it difficult to love. The same mother forced her second daughter to be with a man who beat her up everyday, all because of wealth.  The story was a sad one, but when these two ladies decided to break free from abuse and pick up the pieces of their lives, I could see true happiness and healing shooting through their smiles.  Some people come from homes where abuse is covered up by someone who has an 'interest' to protect, not considering the damage done to the victims. Some of these victims are children who have been groomed, manipulated and threatened so that they are afraid to speak up.  Som...

People often blame victims of domestic violence. You hear people say, "what did she do?" "Why did he get her angry?" "Why did you cheat on her?" These questions are rather insensitive and irrelevant. There is no justification for violence. If you're tired of your spouse's behavior, it's more reasonable to walk away than brutalize or kill them. No one has any right to beat up or maltreat their spouse.  Bad things can happen to anyone. So the next time you find yourself wondering what someone else did to bring on their misfortune, take a moment to consider the psychological attributions and biases that affect your judgment. Rather than blame the victim, try putting yourself in their shoes and perhaps try a little empathy instead. Report abusers; don't blame victims.  #SpeakUPCampaignDay5 #EndDomesticViolence

Often, when people think of domestic violence, physical violence comes to mind. However, this is just one tactic that perpetrators use to exert control over their victims. The behavior could look like something very minor, but could symbolize something much more powerful. There are so many different ways that abusers can ensure that they control their victims; it would be impossible to list them all here. Here are a few that people don’t tend to think of as abusive behaviour.  Gas-lighting:  This is a type of emotional abuse wherein an abuser lies or downplays the impact of an event or something they say. It could include phrases like “It’s not that bad” or “you’re over-reacting” or even, “I never said that”. All of this can create doubt in your mind, and the end goal is to ensure that you’re the “crazy” one for ever questioning their behaviour. Isolation:  Not only controlling where you go and who you talk to, but controlling what you read, listen to, and watch on TV or ...

An amazing little girl went to school one day. When it was time to go home, she refused to join the school bus. When asked why, she said she didn't want to go back home because her daddy beats her mummy everyday.  She was about four years old at the time. You can imagine a four year old trying to escape home because of domestic violence.  What hope do we have for her healing?  You treat your spouse like dirt in the presence of your children, leaving the children terrified and heart broken. Sometimes you even hit your children in the process. Then the cycle continues, because broken or abused children will most likely grow up to abuse other people.  It has to stop. A home that is unsafe for anyone is not a home.  #SpeakUPCampaignDay3 #EndDomesticViolence

Meet a 31 year old police officer called Dan. He was not born with this frightening appearance. What you see is the result of an argument he had with his wife. Dan says it seemed like a normal argument like any married couple would have. He later left for work. He had a night shift so he came back home the day after at 05:30 am and went straight to the bed to have some sleep. That was the moment his wife poured acid solution on his face. Then she ran away. But it was not enough for her to spoil his face, she also acted so that he couldn't escape the bedroom. She had poured water on the floor and connected it to electricity. As soon as Dan stepped on the floor, he was electrocuted.  His neighbours came and found him in despair. They rushed him to hospital and luckily his life was saved, but unfortunately not his eyes. Dan permanently lost his sight and is now completely blind. According to him, every single day he lives is a struggle, and this is because someone could not manage her...